Mama times 2

Strange......

2006-04-27T10:14:00.000-04:00

With all of me and Ashby's problems here of late I've been pretty suspicious of "good" behavior. I don't want to be suspicious, but i really can't help it. Take last night for example. We had 2 friends over. Male friends. More my friends than his, but none the less they are our friends. The whole time he's tickling me, picking on me (in a playful way), smiling at me, and at one point actually got me down on the floor and started to wrestle me. Now this just isn't my husband. Normally it's like I'm not even in the same house. So that makes me believe that he's just doing it to "show off" or as to say " keep your hands off my woman". Which makes no sense to me since he's been talking for a month now about having an open marriage. To which I could never do. I'm going to be honest, I've had my chance to be with someone else. Which makes me sound like such a slut bag. But it's not like that. Someone likes me, and yes I'm attracted to that person. But after really thinking about it I couldn't do that to my husband. I just can't. I take my marriage vows a little more seriously than that. But around the same time this happened lo and behold he starts asking for an open marriage. WTF!!! I talked to my mom about it all the other day, let me tell you that woman went off the handle. I though her and the baseball bat would be at my house later to kick his ass. She was that pissed. She told me to call his bluff. LOL. I dont' know what to do. It really sucks because up until about 9 months ago I never would have thought Ashby would do that to me, but now I don't know. Ugh!
Well, baby's crying!

First tooth!

2006-04-17T14:55:00.000-04:00

Last night I was putting orajel on Gabby's gums. No tooth, no redness, no nothing. Just now I was feeding her some baby food and she opened her mouth really wide and I saw something shiny....put my finger in and yep we have a nice, sharp, pearly white. I'm going to try to get a pic but she's not cooperating as of yet!! My baby's growing up! :(

Well then....

2006-04-16T23:42:00.000-04:00

It's been quite a while since I've blogged here. I also blog here :http://http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=50733274 Where to start after being a slacker so long.....

Miss thang is 6 and a half months old ALREADY!!!! I can't believe it. I don't remember time going by this fast with Brent, although I do remember it going by fast. I guess it seems to be going quicker this time because I have two to care for now. Anyway, she's so big now, as you can see in the picture! At her 6 month checkup a little over 2 weeks ago she was 16 pounds and 25.5 inches long. A far cry from 5 pounds 1 ounce and 18.25 inches at birth!! She's eating stage 2 baby food now and loving it. She never really got into the cereal. But that's ok. She eats like a true champ! Gabby is rolling everywhere and starting to scoot. She can't sit up on her own yet. The doc said that since she was a month early she will probably be a month behind in milestones. She's such a good baby, such a joy!

Brent is doing great. He's a little firecracker. Brent is really hyper so he keeps me on my toes at all times. He's doing really good in school, especially after having a 2 week period of disruptions everyday and being sent home a few times for being uncontrollable. He's doing so much better now. The doc say's she already sees ADHD tendency's in him. I figured as much. You really can tell with him, even this early. But he's so smart. And so happy most of the time. Still won't potty train, at all, not even close. If you take him to the potty he'll pee in it, but otherwise he doesn't even aknowledge that he's messed himself. I really don't want to push him but he's 3 and a half. It's so frustrating.

I lost my job last month. But it's ok. I'm in the midst of looking but not so secretly loving being home with the kids. So I'm kinda taking my time. Until I absolutely can't. ;) I'd love to find something i can do at home but i'm not really "talented" to be able to start something on my own. Oh well. I'm also thinking of getting something with night hours so I can stay at home with the kids during the day. We'll have to see.

Ashby and I have been better. We have our moments and then it's an uphill battle again. But we're trying. We'll have to see about that too.

That's about it from my clan. I'm going to try to not be such a slacker anymore! :) And again, we'll have to see about that!

Right here

2006-01-27T09:07:00.000-05:00

This song reminds me of Ashby and myself.

"Right Here" Staind

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away
I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away
I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitmentI'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way

But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting

Hurt and Confused

2006-01-25T08:20:00.000-05:00

Last night Ashby and I had some friends over for dinner. The whole time he did nothing but put me down and make me feel stupid. He called me fat, lazy, and said I was a bad mother. He was just the biggest asshole in American history. He hurt my feelings so much last night it was unreal. After everyone left I just went to bed, I was so hurt. This morning it started all over again. So finally out of total and utter frustration I said I wanted a divorce. He just said ok and went on like nothing had happened.....only making me feel worse. I don't know what to do!

Daddy

2006-01-19T10:13:00.000-05:00

I’m really sorry, because this is going to be extremely depressing. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my father. I was talking to my mom last night and she was telling me that my nanny’s friend died of a heart attack while she was sitting there with him and his wife. And she told me the story in detail, which in turn, made me have flashbacks of the day my daddy had his final heart attack. If I don’t get my feelings out I’ll go crazy so that’s what I’m doing.

On 10/25/99 my mother, my exboyfriend, and myself were at my doctor appointment. Don’t ask why my boyfriend was there, I really don’t remember. We were sitting in the waiting room when my mom got a call on her cell. Immediately when she answered I knew something wasn’t right. Her face got white as a ghost and she kept saying “ok”. Finally, she said “what hospital”. She hung up and told me that daddy had had a heart attack and they were taking him to Chippenham Hospital. Now we were at Johnston Willis Hospital which is literally like 5-10 minutes from Chippenham. Unfortunately we were also on Midlothian Tpke during rush hour traffic…..not an easy commute. My mom was freaking out so my boyfriend drove. We got to the hospital and they wouldn’t let us see him. When they finally did he was unconscious and hooked up to everything under the sun. His heart was still beating on his own but he needed help breathing. They said they were moving him to CICU (cardiac intensive care unit). So we go up there and wait in the waiting room. By then my brother and his wife were there. My best friend had also come up, since she was/is really close to my family. We waited and waited. They said he was comfortable for now and we could see him. He had a lot of internal bleeding that had nowhere to go. So it was coming out of his eyes and mouth. It was so hard for me (at 17 years old) to see my daddy like that. He was always so strong and my protector. Now he looked so weak and frail. And mind you, he was only 50 years old. The nurses said we had to leave, that they were going to perform all sorts of tests. So by then it was late, we all huddled in the waiting room and slept on and off. Nothing new, the test results woudn’t be available til the next day. Waiting like that is the worst feeling. I can’t even explain it. But it’s like every second feels like a lifetime.

The next day I had to go home to get my mom’s medicine and some clothes. While I was gone I stopped by my school to let my guidance counseler know what was going on. On the way back up to the hospital I had a sinking feeling that something was wrong. Well, even worse. When I got to the hospital, my mom told me that they were taking him for a test to see if he had any brain activity. A few hours later, the doc came and told us that he did not have any brain activity at all, he was brain dead. Before any of us could say anything he said they could do the test one more time the next day to see if there were any changes, but he didn’t want to get our hopes up, he didn’t think there would be any changes. We decided to wait and have the test done again. So the waiting began again. Some time in the middle of the night the nurse came in to tell us that he had a fever of 105. And they were trying to get it down. A few hours later they told us to go see him. They got the fever down but apparently they thought he was going then. But he didn’t. We all sat in the room and held his hands for the rest of the night.

The next day, he went for all the tests. They came back that he was indeed brain dead. My daddy didn’t have a living will, but my mom was his power of attorney. So she asked us what we should do. We all decided that he shouldn’t have to live like that, he wouldn’t want to. We were going to cut the machine off at midnight. All day we prayed, paced, held his hand, and prayed some more. I just wanted him to wake up and say “Gotcha!!!” As mad as would have been at him, it would have been ok. But no. He looked so helpless, so pail, like he was already dead.

At 11:15pm on 10/27/99, my family and I gathered in his room to pray, and be with him before it was time. We kept talking to him, telling him how much we loved him, and that it was ok. I just wanted him to squeeze my hand, wink at me, twitch his nose….something…anything. I just kept staring at him as I held his hand. I really wanted to curl next to him and have him cradle me like a baby. I wanted a hug, a kiss. I knew my daddy was about to leave me, and I wanted that final embrace. Around 11:30 we noticed his face was getting really red. Then his chest started jumping. I didn’t know what was going on. Inside my mind I was freaking out, wanting to shake him so he’d wake up. I didn’t want him to be hurting. All of a sudden his eyes popped open and he was staring at the ceiling. Then his eyes got all huge, literally like they were going to pop out of his head. He started shaking and then his eyes rolled back into his head. That was it…..his heart stopped. He passed away at 11:38pm, 22 minutes before we were supposed to turn the machine off. To me, it was like he knew how hard that was going to be for us ultimately ending his life, and he didn’t want us to have to do it. That last 5 minutes before he died all we could do was cry, tell him we loved him and hold his hand. The moment he died I got his horrible feeling, I can’t really explain it. But I honestly thought I was going to die. That’s why I say a part of me went with him. After the fact all the nurses came in, my brother and his wife sat on the windowsill and cried, my mom was still talking to daddy and stroking his hair. All I could do was stand there and stare, I think I was in shock. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t even think I was breathing. Then out of nowhere it was like I was shoved back into reality. I knew I couldn’t be in that room anymore. I turned around and started running. I ran out into the waiting room. My best friend, boyfriend, and some family friends were out there. The started asking me questions. All I could do is mumble, Daddy is gone. Then I ran to the bathroom. I had to get sick. I just sat on the floor and cried. I must have been in there a while because my best friend got a janitor to unlock the bathroom door. The rest of that night was a blur. I wanted to just curl up somewhere, go to sleep, and never wake up. I know I went home, someone put me in my bed, and other than that I don’t know.

The next morning when I woke up, my nanny was there and my mom was sitting at the table drinking her coffee. From the back the view looked just like every morning. In my mind I was hoping that I had just dreamed everything. Then my mom turned around and her face was pale, her eyes were blood shot. She told me to get dressed, we had to go plan the funeral. I knew right then and there I had to be strong. My mom has severe depression, and I didn’t want to upset her anymore. So I sucked it up and did what I had to. Looking back, I know I probably looked hard, like I didn’t care. No, inside I was dying. I hated everyone who had both parents, I hated everyone who constantly bitched about their parents. I didn’t care. I just hated everyone. I wanted to crawl in the casket with my dad and be buried with him. Nothing mattered anymore……until I looked at my mom and how much she needed me. So yeah, maybe I looked callous and uncaring, but that is so far from the truth!

We buried Daddy on Halloween. Seems fitting, huh? Not really, not to me. For the days and weeks that followed I was determined that my mom would NOT see me cry. I’d cry at night when I went to sleep, I’d cry in the shower, hell, I even cried at school. Just to get it out. But never around my mom. It was so hard. Even now, it’s still hard. My daddy wasn’t around for my graduation, my wedding, or my kids’ births. It kills me to know that they will never know their Grandpa Ray.

Sometimes, I’ll hear a song and it’ll remind me of him, or I see someone in the store that reminds me of him. I don’t really talk about it anymore, I don’t want to bring anyone down. That’s why I decided to write this blog, just to release some feelings. My daddy was everything to me. I held him up so high, he could never do wrong by me. I can’t even remember one time I was mad at him. Even when he punished me, he made me know I’d done wrong, but he loved me anyway. He was and still is my hero!!

For:
Ray Massey, Sr.
9-1-49 to 10-27-99

Good news and Bad news

2006-01-08T01:20:00.000-05:00

Well, the good news is that I feel alot better. I actually had alot of energy today and started cleaning the house. I'll finish tomorrow! :) Bad news is Ashby is getting a cold. I hope that's all it amounts too, but him getting a cold is the equivalent of me getting pneumonia. He's helpless and so cranky. Poor guy!

So I have 5 sick days a year and I burned 4 of them in the first week of the year! What kind of shit is that! So from now until next January I CAN'T get sick anymore! Yeah right. That's pretty much impossible with 2 youngn's. Ah well, I need the money now, I'll just have to burn that bridge when I get there!

Earlier I was thinking, I'm going to be starting solids with Gabby within the next month or two! That's crazy! Actually what's crazy is that when Brent was 3 months old he was being spoonfed cereal. But the doctor told me to do that (A) to make him gain weight and (B) to help his reflux. And he ate every kind of baby food except most of the greens. I hope Gabby is that good with baby food. My friends little girl wouldn't eat any of it. I think feeding them baby food is fun! :)

We went to my mother in laws today. She's the director of Brent's preschool and she was telling me that he's far more advanced than his classmates. He started this year in the 2 year old class and they ended up moving him up to the 3's in November I think. Now he's more advanced than his peers. That's great! I'm so happy that he likes to learn as much as he does. I hope he stays like that. I get comments about him all the time like he's so hyper and so hard to handle. But my baby's smart as a whip. I think alot of his hyperactivity is that his mind get's bored. I don't know maybe I'm wrong but I like to think that! :)

Survey

2006-01-08T01:05:00.000-05:00

These are supposedly 27 questions that no one would ever think to ask.

1. When u looked at urself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Ugh, I hate my skin

2. How much cash do you have on you: like $50

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?: best

4. Favorite planet? Pluto

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?: No clue, haven't had minutes on my cell in like 2 months

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? Just the generic Nokia ring

7. What shirt are you wearing?: White "wife beater"

8. Do you "label" yourself? Just a mommy

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? No shoes just socks

10. Bright or Dark Room? depends on if I'm trying to sleep or not

11. whats the craziest thing u've done? Hmm...either skinny dipping or cow tipping! LOL

12. What were you doing at midnight last night? Talking to my friend Tiffany

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? Couldn't tell you...refer to question # 5

14. Where is ur nearest 7-11? about a mile and a half up the street

15. What's a saying that you say a lot? Um ok

16.Who told you they loved you last? Ashby

17. Last furry thing you touched? Probably Ashby's chest lol

18. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days? None.

19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? A few from before I got my digi cam

20. Favorite age you have been so far? 16. Man that year was crazy! So was 18.

21. Your worst enemy? hmmm....I really don't know

22. What is your current desktop picture? A smiley face that say's BIG HUG....Brent always asks for big hugs and it reminded me of him!

23. What was the last thing you said to someone? Goodnight. Please save me some of the covers. (Ashby's going to bed)

24. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret, which would it be? Million bucks baby!

25. Do you like someone? I like alot of people. I love my husband!

26. The last song you listened to?: Helena by My Chemical Romance

Pneumonia

2006-01-05T15:58:00.000-05:00

So Sunday I went to patient first and they said I had the flu and strep throat. Ok fine. Being sick with 2 young kids and a not so helpful husband is not too fun. Well Wednesday I was supposed to go back to work, but i felt worse than I did on Sunday. Figuring something wasn't right I went back to patient first. After blood work, urine samples, and a chest xray I found out why. I have pneumonia. This will be the second time I've had this now. And OWWWW it hurts so much! I have no appetite, no energy. I don't even want to talk. When I cough I feel like my lung is going to come right out into my hand. The good thing is that while Ashby really didn't seem to give a damn when I had the flu and strep, now he's really concerned and is helping alot. He even put a screensaver on the computer for me that says, "I love you so much! I hope you feel better" and has been calling me all day. And he was like, "Lets order Pizza tonight from Papa Johns." That's my favorite pizza, I think he just doesn't want to cook!

The babies are doing good. Brent doesn't understand why he can't lay all over me. I feel so bad. It's like he thinks I'm mad at him! Poor baby!

Back to the couch! :)

I'm sick!

2005-12-31T12:46:00.000-05:00

All week I've felt like crap, runny nose, sore throat, just blah. But last night it got 100 times worse. I couldn't sleep because I was coughing so much. I got up at 4 am and took a double dose of Brent's cough medicine because we didn't have any. I woke up this morning and couldn't talk because my throat hurt so bad. So I thought maybe strep. Then I started with body aches and nausea. So now I'm thinking the flu. If I don't feel any better by tomorrow I'm going to Patient First.

Christmas

2005-12-28T12:53:00.000-05:00

Our Christmas was pretty good. Brent and I were/are fighting colds, so we weren't feeling too good all weekend. Gabby is teething of course so she was cranky. But other than that it was ok. We all got alot of good stuff. Alot of things we really needed. The only glitch was on Christmas night, we were at my step mil's house. Ashby's dad's parents were there. Ashby's nanny got on my nerves like crazy!!! I can't stand when someone tells me how to mother my children and that's what she kept doing all night. Yes, I understand she's been through all this before and that she helped raise other children as well as her own, but let me do things my way. She was telling me when and how to change Gabby, when and how to feed her, that I wasn't holding her correctly. And then Brent opened his first present and decided he'd just play with that one puzzle. He was so tired by then I said that's fine, mommy will just open your presents. He was ok with that. Well, Nanny proceeded in telling me that it's not fair that I won't let him open his own presents. Christmas is for the children and I wasn't being nice to him. I don't know how but I kept my cool and ignored it. The inner Kim really wanted to reach out and smack that old bitty! Ugh!! If I'm doing such a horrible job with my kids, you really wouldn't know it. They are healthy and happy. They obviously love me and their daddy. They are fed and clean and have everything they want and need. I love my babies and I think I'm a pretty good mother. I'm not perfect, nobody is. But jeez, let me raise MY kids!!

Ok enough of that! So my house is torn up with toys. I don't know where I'm going to put all of them. I need an extra 2 rooms just for toys!! And diapers.....Gabby got so many diapers it's unreal!! I'm so grateful for that!!

I have to say though I'm so glad Christmas is over. I love Christmas, but once you have kids all the running around you have to do really takes a toll on you. This weekend I hope to rest!

So happy

2005-12-21T13:27:00.000-05:00

Ashby's grandpa took Brent to the doctor this morning for me. It's a upper resp. infection. The doc said he's not contaigous and gave him zythromax. The cool thing is that Brent started perking up and feeling better like 30 minutes before they left for the doc. He's running around acting like an animal!!! That's my boy!!! So as of now he's ok to go tonight! No fever, he's not contaigous, and he's not coughing as much......he's gotta go be a star tonight!! I'll have lots of pics!!

My poor guy

2005-12-21T08:05:00.000-05:00

I'm literally at work in tears. Brent is still sick and not showing signs of getting any better. Today will be the first time in 3 years someone other than me will take him to the doctor. Ashby's grandpa is taking him. I wish I could but I missed so much time last week with him and Gabby being sick. He's missing his Christmas program at preschool tonight and he's upset about that. Ugh...I just feel so bad!

I see a toofie!!!

2005-12-20T22:05:00.000-05:00

Yep...her doc confirmed that she was teething Friday but said it would probably be weeks before we saw it. Uh no! You can see it, and you can feel just a tiny part of it. I noticed it tonight when she smiled really big. It's so crazy that she has a tooth so soon. I should be used to it though, Brent had one about this time too!

Keep my little guy in your thoughts

2005-12-20T14:33:00.000-05:00

Brent is supposed to sing Jingle Bells in his preschools Christmas play/party tomorrow night. But the poor thing has a cold and his really hoarse. He's so excited about it and can't wait so I know if he can't go it's going to break his heart. I really hope he can go. That's going to be so cute!! Every Christmas so far he's been sick though. My poor guy!

Santa and Gabby's Christmas Dress

2005-12-20T14:26:00.000-05:00

Look at that face. He was so excited about seeing santa!!! He couldn't wait! He wouldn't tell me if he asked for anything but I think he did! ;)
Yep, she slept through it. Should have known. She woke up about 10 minutes before this and while we were waiting she went back on to sleep. She looked cute though in her first pair of jeans. They had little pink flowers on them! :)
This is her Christmas dress. It's a little too big but it was only 6 bucks!!! I got it back in September assuming she'd be in 0-3 months by Christmas. She's really not to far off!! :)

My favorite pictures

2005-12-20T14:18:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite of Mister Brent. He looks so happy and innocent in this pic. (He's normally happy, just not innocent!!)
I love this picture of Gabrielle. She looks so comfy and relazed. And it's the only picture I have of her sucking her thumb!! :)

2005-12-20T09:12:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the 2005 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Copy (not forward) and change the answers to your answers. Enjoy!!

*1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree
When I was growing up he just sat them under the tree, now he wraps them.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
I like both

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Normally the day after Thanksgiving, this year we did it December 18th. We're slackers.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Mac N Cheese Yum!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
Waking up and running in my mom's room and jumping on her bed making her get up!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
My stupid brother told me when I was 10 or so

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
My kids do. We also get gifts from Ashby's grandparents on Christmas eve

10. What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him?
Uh....Whatever I have handy

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
I like it but only if I can stay home

12. Can you ice skate?
Yes, sort of

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
My first Cabbage patch doll when I was 3. Her name was Betty Ann! :)

14. What's the most important thing about Christmas for you?
Taking the kids to see santa and seeing Brent's face on Christmas. (Gabby will be too young)

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Hmm....Apple pie with whipped Cream

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Riding around to see Christmas lights and going to see santa

17. What tops your tree?
This year....nothing. Can't find the topper

18. Which do you prefer Giving or Receiving?
Giving, but I like both!! :)

19. What is your favorite Christmas Carol?
Jingle bell rock, and Silent night

20. What is your favorite modern day Christmas song?
Mariah Carey, "All I want for Christmas"

21. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
YUMMY!

22. What is your name and what state are you from?
Kim, Virginia

2 sicko's

2005-12-19T11:44:00.000-05:00

Both kids are sick. Brent has a runny nose and a cough, and Gabrielle has an ear infection. She went to the doctor Friday. She's up to 10 # 14 ounces!!! She's getting so big quick! Anyway, pray that they will be better by Christmas! Thanks!

Just an update on us!

2005-12-04T22:05:00.000-05:00

Ok where to begin.......Well first I'm going back to work tomorrow. I sooooo don't want to go back. Being home with my babies for 2 months has completly spoiled me rotten. To make it worse tomorrow we are supposed to have some snow/sleet/rain/ice crap and I really don't want to have to go out in it. Ah well, we really could use the money.

On to Brent. He's a mammouth giant now. I mean it he's huge. And sooooo hyper. OMG, I wish I had about a tenth of his energy. Then maybe I could finish my laundry AND have it all put up in one day! Yeah right like that'll happen. Brent is super smart too. He's just over 3 years old and knows all his ABC's, English numbers 1-20, Spanish numbers 1-10 (thanks Dora ). He also can recognize what letters are missing from words (like if you write a word and leave out a letter) and can spell some words. We are starting to teach him how to write. He's still not potty trained though. The boy is just so damn stubborn!! Because of that he's been in the 2 year old class. Well his teacher said the other day how bored he is because he knows everything she's trying to teach them. They were going to move him up when he's potty trained but they decided to do it now. So tomorrow my baby is going in the 3 year old class. Sad thing is he still knows pretty much all of what they are being taught too. I can't help it that I have a baby genius. "He gets it from his mama!!!" I'm so proud of my little booger!

So now Miss Gabrielle. MY BABY IS 2 MONTHS OLD ALREADY!!!! OMG, that makes me want to cry my eyes out! No seriously, it's going wayyyyy to quickly!! She is growing like a freaking weed. The day she came home from the hospital she was 4 pounds 13 ounces. She's now closer to 10 pounds. She's doubled her birth weight already! She's a little pig. We had all these preemie clothes, thinking she'd be in them like forever! Nah! She was for about 3-3and a half weeks. And she's just so damn pretty! I can say that right?? Yeah of course I am, I made her! Just looking at her can still make me tear up, I can't believe I have a little girl!

Ashby and I are good. He's as annoying as ever, but hey that's my husband! I love that about him, but I'd never admit it to him. He has the ability to annoy me to the point of tears, but secretly I love it! I don't know why. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment! Ah well. We cleaned our room tonight. Damn that took forever. We went through all of our clothes that we can't wear or wouldn't wear anymore. All I gotta say is c'mon tax returns! We need some new clothes. Our closet is bare!!

Well I'm going to get a snack then go to bed. 5:15am comes wayyyyyy to early! Stupid work!

Ughhhhhh....

2005-12-02T15:04:00.000-05:00

What a week it's been. I was supposed to go back to work Monday. I was all ready. I had all the lunches packed, clothes set out. Everything was ready to go. Ashby woke me up at 4 am telling me that he needed to go to the doctor. Apparently he had something in his eye and he couldn't shut it or see barely anything out of it. So we get the kids up and dressed and dropped them off at his grandmothers and I rush him to the ER. He had metal in his eye from grinding down some metal while fixing his car. So, he had doctor's appointments this week and couldn't drive himself so I just decided to go back on the 5th.

Anyway that day when we left the hospital I went to get the kids from his grandmothers. She's supposed to be watching both of them when i go back to work. She tells me THAT DAY that she doesn't know if she'll be able to do it. I understand that, but a little notice would have been great! So as of now, I'm still going back to work Monday but I'm in the process of looking for another job that I can work graveyard and stay home during the day. We can't afford daycare for Gabby and preschool for Brent, but we can't afford for me not to work either. I'm thinking even 3-11 would be good too. Grr!

Well I'm off to go get mister Brent man!

Bye!

I'm sorry

2005-11-06T08:15:00.000-05:00

I'm such a slacker lately. Gabby is 5 weeks old and I haven't updated this damn blog. Well, she's doing great. Gaining weight like a little oinker! She's beautiful, but of course I'd say that! We are all settling in pretty well. Especially me. At first it was hard trying to handle two kids. And being that Brent is a handful and a half only made it more difficult. But it's getting so much easier now, which is crazy to me. I thought I'd be in the loony bin after about a month. I have my days where I get really frustrated with Brent, but I guess that's normal. Then I have some one on one time with the little booger and all that frustration goes away. He's still mama's baby and he knows that. He loves his little sister to death though. He can't understand why I won't let him carry her around though. He'll understand one day I guess.
On the 31'st she went for her 1 month checkup. She was 6 pounds 6 ounces!!! A far cry from the 4 pounds 13 ounces she was when she left the hospital. I'm amazed at how different she looks now compared to when she was born. She has my chubby cheeks and they are much cuter on her let me tell you!
Everyone keeps asking if I want another one. Well while I can't say I want one anytime soon, I can tell you I definelty want another. just in 5-6 years!
I have to go back to work on the 28th of this month. I wish I didn't have to. I'm loving being with my babies all the time. And trust me if I didn't have to I most certainly wouldn't. But lo and behold I do.
Well I hear Brent banging around something so it must mean he's awake. I promise I won't be such a slacker anymore!

Gabrielle Rae

2005-10-04T13:19:00.000-04:00

Hey guys we are home. Thanks for all you well wishes!! There are pics on my flickr acct...... http://www.flickr.com/photos/60793299@N00/ I'll post more later but I gotta go feed the baby.

back to doc again

2005-09-30T23:27:00.000-04:00

I went back today and my BP was 160/102 soooo.....I'm having the baby Friday the 7th. Next friday. I had an ultrasound today to check the fluid around the baby which was fine. If it had been low I'd be in the hospital now having the baby. I go back Monday for a blood pressure check and another ultrasound. Then probably Thursday too. They are estimating her to be around 6-6.5 lbs. So that's good. I'm excited but even a week seems so far away!!

back to doc

2005-09-27T23:15:00.000-04:00

I had to go turn in my 24 hour urine today and my doctors office is right upstairs from the lab so I decided to have them check my BP since I was there. It was 143/92 so I had to see the doc. Basically all she told me is that I was definetly going to be on bed rest until I delivered and to go home and get to it. The baby's heartbeat was good and no more weight gain, so that's a plus. I was supposed to go to the doc tomorrow but since I was seen today I'm going friday. So until then.......

Bed rest

2005-09-26T14:55:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we went to Target and knowing my blood pressure had been high the last few times I decided to test it. It was 149/97. So I called the on call doc as soon as I got home. I didn't get my normal doc and when I told her what my pressure was and what they had been she seemed shocked that I wasn't on bed rest. In fact she yelled at me for walking around Target while on bed rest before I told her I wasn't. So she told me to go to the hospital. When I got there my pressure was 153/102. They got it down to between 135-140/85-90. They let me go this morning on strict bed rest. I have to collect my urine until tonight at 7:30 and take it to them tomorrow. Wednesday I had a regular appt so then after my urine tests come back they will decide what to do. She said the most likely senario is I'll be on bed rest until the end. I'll keep ya posted though!

Dropping babies and potty training updates!

2005-09-19T15:22:00.000-04:00

I do believe the baby has dropped more. I woke up about 3am to pee and couldn't walk because the southern parts and my hips hurt so bad. Then this morning my tummy seemed even lower. My hips still hurt too. This child is killing me! I love her anyway but man, give me a break kid!!! Just wanted to complain for a bit!!

In other news.....since last night Brent has only been wet once, he's peed in the potty every other time! The only time he was wet was right after his nap yesterday. He went potty all this morning with no accidents in his pull up at preschool! I'm so proud! It's working!

10/20

2005-09-14T18:14:00.000-04:00

Well I'm not crazy. My cervix has changed. I'm about 1.5 centimeters and 30% effaced. She scheduled it for 10/20 but doesn't think i'll make it to then. I had a NST and an US, the baby looks good, right around 5 pounds right now. Let's just make positive thoughts that I can keep her in for a little while longer. Thanks for all your kind thoughts!

Labor, possibly????

2005-09-14T14:08:00.000-04:00

I've been really crampy since Sunday and having contractions since yesterday morning. (Some are painful some aren't, but none are regular enough to be timed) I feel like I've changed, although I can't explain why I feel that! I also feel like I may have been leaking fluid, But I can't be sure. Well anyway I'm going to the doc today. Wish me luck! I at least want her to schedule my c-section today so I have an idea. And I really want to be checked to see if I"m right or just crazy!! I hope she says something about an ultrasound too, because I want to know how big the baby is! I'll post back tonight and let ya'll know! Oh if I don't post tonight that means I may be in the hospital! If that happens I'll get Ashby to post something soon for me!

Potty training Brent

2005-09-13T08:19:00.000-04:00

Well we've started taking a different approach with potty training Brent. Sunday I went and got a big poster board and decorated it. Ashby hung it in the bathroom and it say's "Brent's potty chart" One side is for pee pee and one side is for poo poo. Everytime he goes he gets a sticker on the appropriate side. If he actually tells us he has to go he gets a treat (safety pop or oatmeal creme pie) He's only gotten a treat once but we just got into this. He has 12 stickers on the board so far since Sunday evening and he even tried to go poo poo once!!! I'm so proud.Our only problem so far is that he will not tell is when he needs to go. Like yesterday he's pooped and I asked him if he did and he said no and ran in the other room! Does anyone have any advice for that??? He also likes to "aim at the fruit loop"! LOL He thinks that's funny! Ashby's grandma (who keeps him during the day) is going to do the same thing over there. Of course preschool does thier own thing but hopefully this will work! Wish us luck!!

All is well now

2005-09-12T13:43:00.000-04:00

Ok I just got an email from my HR dept. I am enrolled, it'll take cigna 48 hours to get all the info in thier systems, and after that they will send out my cards. Until then if need be I have temp cards. Insurance is just so frustrating!

So aggravated!!!

2005-09-12T09:57:00.000-04:00

Ok that pisses me off. Our company switched insurance on the 1st of the month. On the 3rd I called Cigna just to make sure I was covered because nobody had gotten their cards yet. They told me I was nowhere in their systems. So the human resourses woman was working on it. Well she got fired and since then nobody has been working on it. Ashby is on my insurance and had to go to the doc Friday, and I go back Wednesday. Brent has to go back soon for his 3 year check up. And I’m going to have a baby next month…..ya think they need to get this straight for me!

Eyelids falling

2005-09-08T13:06:00.000-04:00

I'm so tired. I don't think I can make it! I still have 3 more hours of work and then I have to go get Brent, then get Ashby, then go cash my check, pay a few bills, and go home and figure out dinner. I have to be awake tonight at 8. My favorite show the oc is coming back on!!!!!! I'm so excited. Well if I weren't too tired to show expression, I'd at least look excited. Why am I so tired. Well, I'm almost 33 weeks preggo, does that answer your question? No really, ok if you really want to know. After tossing and turning until after midnight last night, I finally fell asleep only to be woken up 4 times with persistant heartburn that literally made me puke. Tums didn't even help. And besides those 4 times I know of 3 separate times that I just had to pee. Yeah it comes with the territory but geez, I'm exhausted. So I only got about....eh....2 good hours of sleep. When my show goes off tonight I'm going to be out like a light. I go back to the doc in 6 days.....maybe then she'll tell me when they are going to take this kid. She's been hell on me compared to when I was pregnant with Brent. I guess that means she's going to keep me on my toes. Brent already does that. Preschool went well, his first official happy note is on the fridge. My mom said I should get a frame for it. Eh, I should, I might, but for now the fridge is it's home. He seemed to like it pretty good. I think he likes his elmo bookbag more though. Silly boy. At least he knows what's important in life. I asked him if he wants to go back Friday and he said yes. Then for about an hour he told me over and over....."I wike chool, can i go egin?" (For those that don't speak toddler that was "I like school, can I go again?" So cute. Like I said yesterday his grandma took some pics yesterday, I just have to finish the roll. 21 pics shouldn't take too long! Well I was hoping blogging would waste some time, but alas I still have 2 hours 43 minutes. I just wanna go home!!!

A cute one of the little guy

2005-09-07T20:44:00.000-04:00

Ain't he cute. We'd just gotten home and he'd already torn up the place. But he was "telling" me about preschool. "I wike chool mama! I go back?" I'm so glad he liked it. I do think it'll do him a world of good. 4 timeouts in 3 hours, yep that sounds like my boy. =)

Preggo pics

2005-09-07T20:39:00.000-04:00

32.5 weeks preggo. Quality sucks but what can ya do?

Me at 32.5 weeks preggo!! (Don't mind the dirty kitchen!)

preschool

2005-09-07T14:20:00.000-04:00

All is well with me. I'm uncomfortable but what else is new. Aches, pains, and heartburn, it's all good!

Brent started preschool today. I can't wait to hear how it went. I wish so badly that I could have been there when he was in his class, but I couldn't get off work. But his grandma is the director of the school so I asked her to get me some pics. They will be on my flickr as soon as I finish the roll! I'm going to try to finish a roll of film tonight that has some preggo shots of me so I may have some new pics on there tonight! Gotta love one hour photo! I'll update more when I know more about his day!

31 (and a half) week appt

2005-08-31T08:23:00.000-04:00

I had another doctors appt yesterday. I haven't dialated anymore, still at 1 cm, so that's good. The baby is still really low and head down (duh I could have told her that!) and her heartbeat was 156 bpm. I'm measuring a week ahead and in total have gained 22 pounds. Whew. The only thing that was bad was my blood pressure, it was 150/97. So I have to look out for the signs. Next time I go 9/14 we will probably go ahead and schedule the c-section. But she told me she'd like to do it at 38 weeks which would be..............drumroll please............October 14th (The day before Brent's 3rd birthday) OMG! Maybe I can get her to change her mind and do it even earlier I doubt it. So that means I have about 6 weeks left! Yay!

Kinda lazy with my bloggin'!

2005-08-29T12:37:00.000-04:00

Sorry to whomever reads my lovely blog here (you know who you are)! I've been pretty lazy here lately and haven't felt like sitting and thinking too long! LOL! Look up top, look up top! Less than 60 days left!! That's so exciting! It's really getting close! I go back to the doc tomorrow so I don't know if I've dialated anymore but I can say I haven't had any contractions since Thursday the 18th. All is well in those regards. Now my hips, legs, groin area, and back are a different story! OMG they hurt and OMG they hurt ALL THE TIME!!! Ok enough of me complaining!

So Brent starts preschool next week. Yeah I'm a little sad, he's my baby and he's growing up so fast. But I'm also really excited for him too! I went and bought his school supplies and bookbag. But he doesn't like his thanks to daddy. His daddy got out his old jansport from high school, tightened the straps, and let Brent have it. Ok yeah it's cute but the bookbag comes down to his knees. But he wears it around asking where the school bus is. I keep telling him he's not riding the school bus but he refuses to believe that! He's so excited! =)

Well I'm going to get back to work now. Yay! I'll report back tomorrow with whatever the doc says.

K

It's been awhile

2005-08-23T11:25:00.000-04:00

Well it really hasn't been that long since I last posted but it feels like it. Thursday the 18th I went back to the doctor because I was having alot of pains. Luckily everything was ok. She's still really low but I haven't dialated any more. That afternoon my Nanny calls telling me that my mom is in the hospital 3 hours away. The want to take her gallbladder out. My mom has alot of health problems so I'm freaking out. So Friday Ashby and I leave and go see her. Turns out she had exploritory surgery and they found inflammation in her stomach. I'm glad it wasn't anything really serious but she scared the poo outta me! The weekend was good, Ashby's parents had Brent so we got to relax and sleep in. Just what the doctor ordered because I had no problems all weekend. Well now I'm still not having contractions or anything but the baby is pressing on something making my hips and thighs hurt really bad. 9 more weeks till the c-section. If I make it that long.....literally. Since they are saying I'm at high risk for preterm labor. We'll see. Until next time I will continue to try to take it easy. Translation: to be as lazy as I can be! =)

Weird day yesterday

2005-08-17T09:00:00.000-04:00

So with all that's going on with the baby lately, yesterday I had a meeting with my supervisor, the director of the department, and the president of the company to discuss my job. It seems that the department I audit is getting ready to begin work with a new computer program, that has an automated audit function. So I was going into this meeting thinking the worst....they didn't need me anymore. Well, the whole meeting was confusing to say the least. I walked out knowing little more than what I did walking in. At least I knew I still had a job. But then I was thinking they were going to drop me to part time. I came to this conclusion because of a few things the president said. All day I was stewing over this. I need to be full time. My whole family is on my insurance, I can't lose my benefits. Ashby has insurance through his work but #1 it's crappy and #2 in three weeks he's switching jobs and won't have insurance for 90 days. Plus we can't cut my income in half. My income is the primary income! So anyway I was freaking out. So yesterday afternoon I emailed my supervisor to ask her if she thought I'd be dropped to part time and this was her reply:

No, you would not be part time – if anything, you can help with QA/QC in Processing Department- if that will be necessary. Don’t worry – you are fine and your job is too. :)

So that eased my mind, quite a bit, but not totally. Then my supervisor came to my desk and gave me a huge hug and said she was sorry. She didn't realize that I would have thought that, but I didn't need the added stress of thinking my job was in jeopardy with all that was going on with the baby. Yay! That made me feel much better.

Ok I'm sorry that this was so long. Sorry if I put anyone to sleep! Thanks for listening!

contractions and bleeding

2005-08-16T12:32:00.000-04:00

Well, as of right now I am in threatened premature labor. Meaning that the conditions are favorable for me to go into labor so i just need to take it easy. The baby has dropped really low. When the doctor checked me he felt her head. They are going to try to get me to at least 33-34 weeks. I haven't had contractions since yesterday so my fingers are crossed!

LOL!!

2005-08-12T14:29:00.000-04:00

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Feel like poo

2005-08-12T09:20:00.000-04:00

I feel like poo, I feel like doo. I want to go home and sleep til tomorrow afternoon!

Sniffles

2005-08-11T08:49:00.000-04:00

Well last night we went to the grocery store......didn't get home and get it all put away until 8 pm. I had my list of chores to do. I got about halfway through them and really felt awful, like I just needed to lay down. I figured it was because I'm pregnant so I went and laid down and said forget about cleaning. Also yesterday I noticed Brent was getting red watery eyes and a runny nose. That little booger is getting a headcold and is giving it to me. Isn't that nice?!?

This baby is playing games with me this morning. Or rather I'm playing games with her! LOL! She keeps poking a leg or an arm out and I'll gently poke it and she'll move real quick and a couple seconds later she'll do it again in a different spot! LOL! It's so funny. I'm playing with her already!! =)

K

Oh come on!!

2005-08-10T09:16:00.000-04:00

Time is starting to crawl! This whole pregnancy I've been saying how quickly it's been going. Well now, since I've had the baby shower, I just feel like I should have the baby! It's such a wierd feeling. Like I left my baby somewhere. It's not really that I'm tired of being pregnant. It's like I'm losing my mind, I know it sounds crazy, it just feels like I should have her by now. Yeah I'm nutters!

So yesterday I walk in the door from work and lo and behold Ashby is using my oven cleaner to wash grease off of car parts in my kitchen sink that I just shined the night before. On top of that, the oven cleaner's fumes immediately made me sick when I walked in. So Kim went off. I know for a fact that he wouldn't do that at his momma's house. I wash his and his son's dishes in that sink. So then I had to bleach the sink. It's still a little dingy. I could've killed him! And probably should have. I'm sure a female judge would have understood my case! I think he has a death wish!

Brent is so silly. We had to go to walmart last night for some odds and ends. While there Brent must have went #2 in his diaper. Well we are in line and that's when i noticed. I looked at him and said, "Boy you are stinky!!!" in a quiet voice. This elderly lady came in line behind us and Brent holds out his hand like the supremes and said "Stop! Back up! I'm stinky!" I must have turned every shade of red. The lady thought it was so funny though! Glad she did! =)

K

Just like a man!

2005-08-09T13:50:00.000-04:00

My mom sent this email to me today! I think this is hilarious!!!

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble, choosing amongthree likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 andwatches to see what they do with the money.
~ ~~ ~
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon getsher hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses upvery nicely forthe man.She tells him that she has donethis to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.The manwas impressed.
~ ~
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set ofgolf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensiveclothes. As shepresents these gifts, she tells him thatshe has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.Again, the man is impressed.
~ ~~ ~
The third invests the money in the stockmarket. She earns, several timesthe $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder ina jointaccount. She tells him that she wantsto save for their future because she loves him so much.
~ ~~ ~
Obviously, the man was impressed.The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that, you know.

One of these days........

2005-08-09T10:51:00.000-04:00

I was hoping and praying to have Brent potty trained by his third birthday (which is also the time Gabrielle arrives) but I really don't think that's gonna happen. I have to give him credit, he is starting to seem more interested. Maybe it's just the treat he gets if he suceeds, I don't know.
He's getting so big. It's hard for me to believe that he's the baby that I carried for 9 months 3 years ago. It makes me sad! :(

K

New blog devoted to cleaning

2005-08-09T09:50:00.000-04:00

Well I'm really serious about this cleaning thing! So I've started a new blog devoted to my flybaby adventures, chore lists, and progress. If anyone is interested it's the first one under links in the sidebar!

Why???

2005-08-08T13:46:00.000-04:00

Ok so I was sitting here thinking, Saturday night Ashby was so good to me. After the baby shower he helped me put stuff up and clean. Then we went to Target and to go get something to eat. Then we came home and watched a movie. So sweet. So yesterday, I wasn't feeling too good. (my blood sugar was low) I asked him to take the trash out and clean the upstairs bathroom (he doesn't want me to do it) so 4 hours later he finally takes the trash out and then never cleans the bathroom. Why???? How can he go from being so sweet and nice to me to being a butt......overnight! He actually got mad at me for asking him to do this stuff. And it's like I have to tell him a few days in advance if the trash needs to be taken out. Because I'll tell him and hours later he MIGHT do it! It's so aggravating. Then if I say "are you going to take the trash out?" he get's all mad and say's I'm impatient. Or if I do it myself I'm impatient. Well the dog will eat out of the trash if it's too full and I don't want to chance Brent getting into it.

Ok I'm sorry I just had to vent!! I'm so frustrated these days. I've really thought about leaving. Well maybe not leaving him, but I've caught myself thinking if I can do it on my own, and thinking about how it'd be by myself with two kids. I can't do it though. As much as I complain I love him and can't imagine taking his kids from him. He really needs to help me more. If I have to do it all by myself with him, I might as well do it without him!

Baby Shower

2005-08-08T11:30:00.000-04:00

Well I had my lovely baby shower Saturday. It went better than I thought it would. My mother in laws were decent to me but didn't talk to my mom or my friends the whole day. I thought that was kind of rude. But everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. We got so much stuff, it was unbelievable!!! We are still trying to find a place for it all. Lots and lots of diapers. I feel very blessed in the diapy area! LOL! So many cute girly things. My friend took everything home in her van and when we were unloading it all I just felt like I should have my baby......Like I was missing something. Even Ashby said, " well we are all ready for her, where in the heck is she!!" LOL! Oh well less than 11 weeks and she'll be here and our worlds will be turned upside down.

Brent stayed with his Nam and DD Saturday night so Ashby and I could put stuff away and relax. One of the mother in laws told us she was going to keep him and backed out at the last minute, so Ashby's grandparents literally begged us to let them take him. Uh...you don't have to beg! No but this Mother in law is always doing this to us. She'll tell us all week then just back out and give no explanation. I hate that. If you don't want to watch him don't offer. That's right offer, we didn't ask she offered. Well enough of my complaining. If one of the mother in laws give me some pics of the shower I'll post!

Bye!!!

So I have GD

2005-08-05T11:37:00.000-04:00

I have Gestational Diabetes. Gotta change the diet and try to exercise more. Not to be mean, really, but I always thought that you got really big when you have GD. I've only gained 19 pounds. I'm 5'7" and I'm 154 lbs. Ah well, the blood sugar doesn't lie! It'll be ok.

My baby shower is tomorrow. Even after all the craziness of the invites going out, I'm actually getting really excited. I really hope my friend MM can make it. I haven't seen her since the day I got married. I love that girl! =)

Well I gotta get to work. I'm such a slacker!

Baby name change

2005-07-25T11:43:00.000-04:00

Ok so Ashby and I decided this weekend to change the baby's name. You should just feel a certain way about the name you give to your child and I didn't. I like Kaylin but I don't love it. And all the family loves it but I can't give a name to my child that I don't love. KWIM?? Well anyway our little girls name will be Gabrielle Rae J............!!!!! Yay!! I've always loved Gabrielle.

It means: Gabrielle Hebrew God's Messenger
Kaylin didn't even have a meaning. I wanted a name for my little girl that's strong, yet pretty with a great meaning! I think I got it!

Well, I'm pretty bummed out today. I found out last night that my best friend and next door neighbor of 2.5 years is moving to Tennesee. I know it's going to be better there for her and her daughter but I'm really going to miss her. In a way I want to make her stay her and be miserable just so I don't have to be miserable by myself. But of course I know that's not fair! It just sucks.

Well I'd better actually do some work. Eh.

100 more days

2005-07-21T13:05:00.000-04:00

I have 100 days until my due date. That's really not alot. This first 6 months have flown by. I only have 3 months left. I'm getting so excited. I wonder who she'll look like. Ashby is really hoping she'll look like him since Brent looks so much like me. Secretly I'm hoping that too. I want her to have his blonde hair and blue eyes and long eyelashes! I know she'll be tall because Ashby, Brent, and I all are tall. It's getting really exciting! I want to see her. =)

In other news, I need a vacation from my husband. He is aggravating the hell out of me. Seriously I want to take his head and knock it up against a wall a few times. I feel like he's my oldest child. I love him to death but for the past year he's been really edgy and the last month or so have gotten even worse. I know why......money and his job are stressing him out. (I should say lack of money) but don't take it out on me, our child, and our friends. I don't know how many times I've told him that. It doesn't seem to get through to him. It's driving me crazy. And quite frankly I know for a fact our friends don't want to be around him. That's awful but I understand.....if I didn't have to be around his ass sometimes I wouldn't! I'm going to sit him down and talk to him AGAIN this weekend. See if it does any good this time.

I will get a mini break from him tommorow. Me and the girls are going to El Paso a mexican resturant to eat and relax. We never really get to do much with each other anymore, between work, kids, school, pregnancy, and men we have no time left to be girls and hang out with each other. But tommorow we are making time. I'm excited. =) Yep doesn't take much to amuse me! LOL!

Back to work I go, yay.

Ruined baby shower!

2005-07-18T17:18:00.000-04:00

So far my baby shower is ruined because of my two Mother in laws. They are DH mom and step mom and they are apparently joining forces for the sake of this baby shower. Well they can't agree on anything. One wanted the shower in Sept (which I would be 8 months, that's how it normally is) the other wanted it in Aug. One wanted it at the church, the other wanted it at the moose lodge. One was in charge of invites and they haven't gone out yet.......with less than 3 weeks to go until the shower!!! People don't even know where I'm registered, that's not enough time to get off work, it's ridiculous and I'm beyond pissed. I understand they were both trying to do something nice for DH and I but c'mon now. So my shower is 8/6/05 and the invites still haven't been sent out and I'm about to rip my hair out! I'm going to end up with 4 people at this shower, Me, DH, MIL 1 and MIL 2.

Spring Cleaning

2005-07-18T11:11:00.000-04:00

Ok well I finally started my spring cleaning.......in the middle of July! Ah well. Our bedroom is beautiful!! The bassinet is set up and has pink fleece blankies in it. So cute. I cleaned the upstairs bathroom (ew) and Brents room. Let me just say I was tired yesterday! I'm actually glad to be at work today and not at home cleaning! =)

Time is flyin!!!

2005-07-15T12:23:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's the middle of July already! This is nuts! 15 weeks until baby is here and I'm not ready for her. I mean mentally I am but materialisticly (I can't spell) I'm not. Unless she enjoys being naked then ok she should be good. I have a huge crate of clothes for her but they are all bigger sizes. Ah well, baby shower is coming up. I can't wait. =) I love looking at all the baby things and then taking it home and trying to find a spot for everything. =)

WooHoo!!!

2005-07-13T11:17:00.000-04:00

I just came into work to find out that I'm getting a raise today!!!! Yay!!! A dollar more an hour. That'll definetly help us out!! I feel like finally someone appreciates my work. And it wasn't my supervisor that recommended me for the raise, it was the CEO of the company!! Wow!!! I didn't even know he knew who I was! I'm so happy!!

Today's a better day

2005-07-12T14:22:00.000-04:00

Well after my depressing post yesterday I went to my mom's house so borrow money to get diapers and milk until Thursday. Yeah so that depressed me more. My mom is disabled and here I am borrowing money from her. I mean she doesn't mind. She know's it's going for her grandson and is more than happy to do it. She even forbid me to repay her. But it's the point that it makes me feel worthless having to do it.
So all night I was thinking about how I can dig us out of the hole we are in. I'd really like to be at least a month ahead on the utilities before Kaylin is born. That way while I'm out on Maternity leave we don't have to worry about that. And if I'm really good I'd really really like to have at least a month paid ahead on the car payment and car insurance too. So I concocted a plan, a very strict plan. Ashby and I (really just me) have to learn will power. I can't eat at mc'ds everytime I pass one. I'm bad at that. I'm just always hungry. So hopefully my plan will work. The less we have to pay when Im out on maternity leave the better.

Because of that I'm having a better day. Besides being nauseaus and having hella bad heartburn. But I guess that just comes with the territory!! Eh 15 more weeks. That's not too much longer right!! LOL!

Being a failure

2005-07-11T14:23:00.000-04:00

Not to kill anyones high on life or anything but I'm just feeling pretty down at the moment. Ever feel like a complete failure? I do. We aren't doing too good on the money front these days and since I'm in charge of the bills I feel totally responsible. Not good to have that on your shoulders when you're pregnant. This weekend I just felt so depressed. I didn't want to leave the house (couldn't anyway.....no money) I just wanted to lay around and watch tv. The only thing that kept me from staying in bed all day was Brent. I feel a little better now because Ashby and I talked but I still feel like crap. There isn't anything like knowing in 15 or so weeks you'll be bringing a baby into the world and right now you can barely keep your head above water. Don't get me wrong I know we can afford 2 but it's going to be hard. I need to learn to buget better and to say no when Brent or Ashby want to something! I never thought I'd feel this way. My parents had financial problems but never lead on to us kids. I'm glad I never knew too much about it, but at the same time I think that sheltered me a little too much. My mom never taught me how to handle money. And now it's really starting to show!

I'm sorry for unleashing all this ugliness. I just had to get it off my chest somewhere.

Baby guessing game

2005-07-10T23:01:00.000-04:00

I set up a "guessing game" for Kaylin. Just go to this site http://www.expectnet.com/index.php and put BabyNo2 in the game name and guess our baby's stats!

Acrobatic Baby

2005-07-07T11:55:00.000-04:00

So last night Kaylin was going crazy in there. Ashby and I were watching my tummy move all around. At one point we really think she was poking either her head or her butt out my side. It was so funny, she went on like that for over an hour. Not in one spot either, all over the place!! I've missed that feeling so much!!! <3

Blah Blah Blah

2005-07-07T11:43:00.000-04:00

That's about how I feel today....blah. I think I know why I'm so cranky lately. (Besides just being pregnant and permanetly broke) I need a vacation. We normally take a week off in the summer and we haven't been able to do it this year. We are trying to save my vacation for dr appts and such. It sucks! I need a break! Ah well, Maternity leave will come sooner than I think and then.....what am I talking about I'll be taking care of a newborn and a 3 year old. Oh man......I want to go back to bed!

Bad day

2005-07-06T11:36:00.000-04:00

So I know already that today is going to be a bad day. First of all I woke up at 12.01 am on the dot last night and had to run to the bathroom to get sick. I had heartburn so bad that it turned my stomach. I hate that when I'm sleeping because I have no warning. So I finally get back in bed but it takes me forever and a day to fall back asleep. Then I don't want to get up this morning when the alarm goes off but I know I have to. So I get up and Brent is being really whiny and clingy to me this morning. I'm fixing my hair with a little boy attached to my leg. I dropped him off and go on work. By the time I get here I start having horrible pains in my tummy. (Don't worry they are gas pains) But they are awful! Then Ashby calls, the truck that brings his checks on Wednesdays is stuck somewhere and won't be here til tomorrow morning. Great. We were going to get grocerys with that, and gas. So now we have no money until tomorrow. Well we never have any money but you know what I mean. At least today is hump day. Having monday off is good for something. But I can still wish I had the whole week off. It's just going to be a bad day.

Back to work!

2005-07-05T11:29:00.000-04:00

I hate 3 day weekends. They seem to be shorter than the two day ones. Even though we didn't have Brent this weekend, there was barely any time to relax. We were constantly running around. Something had to be done, we had to go somewhere, someone was expecting us. I swear to get any relaxation you need to be like a hermit and turn your ringer off and not open your door. Ah well!

23 weeks 3 days now. I'm getting there. I found some pics of me at my baby shower when I was pregnant with Brent. Well......mind you I'm due the same exact time this time around as well. So my baby shower was in Sept. I am as big as I was in Sept with Brent as I am now at the begininning of July. That's just crazy!!!

Brent saw the fireworks last night. This was the first time he saw them and wasn't scared. I was so proud. He really liked the green ones. I think green is his new favorite color. It changes from week to week. At least it isn't pink anymore! Ah well!

I'm free this weekend

2005-07-01T10:28:00.000-04:00

Ok we all know we love our kids and can't live without them. But we also know that we need breaks too. Brent is at his grandparents this weekend!! Ashby and I love weekends like this. Me because I can clean and take naps whenever I want. Ashby loves it because he can go work on his car and play on the computer whenever he wants. And the beauty of it is Brent loves staying with the grampys so we have a guilt free weekend. I love it. Hee hee!!

So after reading a post in NurtiMom's blog I realized that OMG my boobs are growing too. Ok so it's not a big difference. From a 34 barely B to a 36 Barely C but to me that's amazing. I never thought I'd have anything other than kiwi on my chest. My brother used to give me band aids and say they were my bras. He's so mean to me. Of course Ashby is in love with the new girls but they are already sensitive so he can look but very limited touchy!!! He's so pitiful too! Like a little kid! Cute though!

I went to the doc yesterday and all is well. I go back 7/28. And I have the baby shower on 8/6. It's so exciting. This pregnancy is rolling by compared to the sluggish summer I had when preggo with Brent. I always said that my next baby would be born in late spring early summer. I did not want to be preggo during the summer again. Funny how things work out huh? Ah well.

Well I guess I ought to get back to work. More later.

Back Breaking

2005-06-16T13:49:00.000-04:00

Well, welcome to pregnancy!! My back is killing me. With Brent I never really had back pain that bad. With this one I'm falling apart a little more each day. Yesterday I couldn't stand it anymore and went to the doc. My blood pressure was 148/90 and I had sugar in my urine. Hopefully the sugar just came from something sweet that I ate. I'm up to 149 so I've gained 3 pounds since 6/2/05. The doc told me that I wasn't allowed to pick Brent up anymore. He thinks that I've pulled a muscle in my back. He gave me some tylenol with codeine. Lets just say I was high as a kite after I took those. He said that if I'm at home I can take 2 and if I'm at work take 1. Well right now I'm at work and I took one and I need some toothpicks to hold my eyelids open. I'm about to konk out right now. The good news is that the baby looks and sounds great. When the doc was trying to listen to the heartbeat she kept kicking and going nuts. The doc was like, "Do you feel that?" I was like, "Naw I'm numb, of course I can feel it. Heh. I feel her all the time. This child is non stop. I love it though. She's a really really young soccer player! Poor Brent doesn't understand why I can't pick him up anymore. The only time I really carried him was in the mornings when we first get up. So this morning he's right in front of me with his arms to the sky saying up. I told him mommy can't pick you up, and he threw a fit. I know he thinks I'm just being evil. Poor guy.

Wow it's been a while!!!

2005-06-14T18:22:00.000-04:00

Long time no blog. My bad. I'm 20 weeks 3 days today. I found out it's a girl so Kaylin Rae is on her way!!!! I'm so happy. I still have the whole summer to go, and I'm already complaining about the heat! I might as well get over it!! And while I'm complaining.....my back is killing me! And my tailbone. But I still love being pregnant.

Ashby is so excited about having a girl!! He feels even more manly now I think. Like he's really accomplished something. LOL.

Brent is as excited as you can expect him to be. He know's that he's getting a sister but I'm not sure he really know's that the baby is going to live with us and that the baby is inside momma or anything right now. We try to explain to him and he just looks at us like, "Yeah, you guys are crazy!"

Gotta run for now, Have to get back to work.

So tired!!

2005-04-26T14:43:00.000-04:00

When is this exhaustion going to go away!! I'm 13 weeks 3 days now. Time is really going by pretty fast. I feel pretty good other than being tired and heartburn. In fact I had to wake Ashby up in the middle of the night the other night to go get my Tums. It was really bad.
I can't wait to find out what this little bean is, a boy or a girl. Either way we will be happy but both of us really kinda want a girl. We will just have to see.
I feel like I'm gaining alot of weight. I hope not, but we will see when I go next Thursday. I don't want to have to stop eating! =) I'm such a pig!!
I'm starting to get a little more emotional. I hate that. I feel like such a weepy whiny butt all the time. And everything gets to me. Hopefully this won't last!
Ok well I'm going to end this now because I really have to get working!!

Spring Cleaning

2005-04-23T12:36:00.000-04:00

I want to start my spring cleaning today. I can't do it when Ashby is at home because he aggervates me so much. I can't clean when I have someone sitting on the couch looking at me. I hate that so much!! I'm trying to get him out of the house. But of course he's not cooperating!! Grr!! I am not in such a good mood today. I don't know what's up with me but I need a nap because I keep biting Ashby's head off. I'm so pissed off.....maybe it's because I'm at work right now and I had to call him 4 times to WAKE him up to take care of OUR SON!! Yeah that made me a little upset!! When he finally answered the phone I heard Brent in the background in his room whining and calling for a cup of milk and Ashby was like well maybe you shouldn't have gone to work. WHAT?????? No seriously WTF??? I don't know. When I get home he better so somewhere and get out of my face because I'm going to hurt him!!

13 weeks

2005-04-22T03:53:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I'm already 13 weeks......2nd trimester. It's actually gone by so quickly. With Brent it felt like I'd never get to that milestone. Finally I'm starting to get a teency bit of energy back.....not alot though. But I guess it's better than nothing.
I have a feeling the doc is going to have something to say about my weight this time. I eat like a cow. And although I'm staying away from caffine and stuff like that, I can't stay away from fatty foods. Like the other night I was talking to my mom on the phone and cooking dinner and she asked me what I was cooking. I think it was Cheeseburgers, rice, corn on the cobb, and well I can't remember but it was another starch. She was like, "Don't ya know you aren't supposed to have 2 starches with a meal" I said that I didn't care because I'm preggo! (Yeah I'll admit it sometimes I use it as my excuse!! If you can, do it!!)

Brent is saying so much now. He's really talking good. I love it. Yesterday right before dinner he was yelling for some pudding. I told him no we were having spagetti and maybe after dinner he could have some pudding. He looked at me and said, "no sketti momma, i like pudding!" His speech has been a little slower because of the stupid pacifier. Yeah that's one thing that I've learned. TAKE IT AWAY BEFORE THEY GET TEETH!! If you don't it's just terrible after that.

Well I really hope I keep up with this blog, I'm really going to try! =) We'll see!!